PlasmaSplasm

Hopefully this will let us post from our phones, fingers crossed that
it works!

-Mike

(sent via iPhone)

Hi loyal readers-

We at the splasm are going to post entries more  often! If
you can read this, it means we will be able to post entries to this blog  by
email. Cool!!!!

Will

I’m @ the baggage claim now- she just pulled out another fuggin McNugget.

How could this woman sitting next to me on this flight have possibly purchased this many chicken McNuggets before boarding?

She’s had a constant supply for all four and a half hours.

That’s McNuggets for the greater part of the continental United States!

This plane smells like a preschool, it has for hours. Time to get my bags!

Last week, I would have told you that Nabisco needed to stop reinventing the Oreo. In concept, the Oreo is very simple. Chocolate cookies sandwich a white mystery creme. THE END. We don’t need variations where it’s covered in gunk, or where the insides are turned a color of orange that gives instant cancer to anyone in a five mile radius of you eating it. When I was growing up it was Oreo, Double Stuff Oreo, and *sigh of longing* The Big Stuff Oreo. Nabisco stopped making The Big Stuff version years ago, but they can never truly remove its memory. To give you an idea, in case you were unlucky enough to never try one, the creme center was as thick as a man’s hand. Truly an achievement in succulence, and I continue to miss it to this day.

Yesterday, however, I had the opportunity to try an Oreo reinvention that changed my mind.

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I’m not a big contest person. This is probably because I rarely win anything from them. Not that it bothers me or anything. Usually if you look at the odds for any given contest, you’ll see why. It’s always like a one in onezerozerzerozerozerozeroetc. Sorry, I can’t count higher than a bajillion.

Well, the tables have turned. I won a caption contest that the folks over at Cinematical.com (fantastic place for movie news, btw) run once a week. I now get a bunch of “goodies” from The Invasion (which I’d like to see this weekend, but the nearest theater playing it smells like horrid things Mike has already described).

When they announce the winners, the also start the next week’s contest. So, even if you don’t give a shit about me, check it out to enter the next one. I think you can win a warm cup of Samuel L. Jackson’s sweat.

http://www.cinematical.com/2007/08/17/resurrecting-the-champ-insert-caption/

The word “hate” comes up often in the following article. Kids, can you find them all?

I’ve already addressed in a previous post how much I hate the HR20700 DirecTV Plus HD DVR (English translation: DirecTV’s shitty attempt at a Tivo). I hate that the remote sometimes thinks you have not pressed the button (no matter how hard you jammed your thumb on that fucker), and other times thinks you have pressed it twice. I hate that my DirecTV service was glitchy, causing both images and sound to skip like a scratched DVD. I hate that I had to pay DirecTV extra money to come over and “fix” it (it only happens 10% of the time, now, instead of 100%). I hate that I paid $300 for the HR20700 only to discover later that it doesn’t really belong to me. This is all after waiting 3 months for DirecTV to even bother hooking up my HD satellite.

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I have a bone to pick with people on a topic that was most recently brought to my attention in an article in the current issue of Wired. This issue is the wonderful and annually-looked-forward-to “How To” issue. It’s wonderful! Full of so much useful advice I didn’t even know I wanted, but is totally awesome to read (such a shame that Wii cake isn’t edible, though).

We at the Splasm are very proud of our little site, so we were recently discussing ways to get it out there to more people. And so I read with some eagerness Wired’s How To on Getting a Boost in the Blogosphere. It did make several good points, and though it did not itself pass judgment on any film, it did have one piece of advice that just annoyed me to the core:

A clever turn of phrase, confined to a single sentence, is most admired. Bonus points, of course, if you can work in a Simpsons or Idiocracy reference.

“So,” I thought, “what the hell? I can do that. I have something to say about that.” Here’s what it is (and I truly hope I only need to say this once):

Idiocracy is a stupid movie.

There, I said it.
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(hello, internet readers from Defamer! Please continue down the page to read mean things about AMC Century City and their disgusting foot smell!)

Moving on:

By no means should you rent Ghost Rider, starring Nicholas Cage’s wig.

Here he is without a wig, which you may not have noticed on account of his douchebag watch. . .also this might actually be a different wig, but the picture stays because I love it.

We rented Ghost Rider for a couple reasons:
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Following up on the earlier article on how disgusting the Century City AMC hallways in the basement are, here’s some information I got from the manager working over the weekend.

We had just seen the new Bourne movie, and had to sit through the entire thing smelling the hallway stink wafting in.

The manager said:

-They are very aware of the stink.
-They are working to get permission from the mall to put in a new air duct that leads to that hallway.
-They will not be replacing the carpet until they get permission to put in an air duct, and not until the air duct is built, because otherwise the carpet would just end up smelling bad again.

From the way the manager was reacting to my questions I’m sure that they’ve been hearing about this problem for a while now. I’ve noticed the stink for months, and I know it wasn’t there for many months after the place opened.

It’s a shame that they don’t make enough money to put in a temporary solution that doesn’t smell like a grave, so if you’re in theaters 1 or 2 on the lower floor, look forward to enjoying the vomit-inducing stink for a while to come.

[Update]
Just to add a little more information, we’re talking about the AMC theater in the Century City Westfield Mall, which you can find by following your nose.

Also, here’s a great comment from plasmasplasm contributer Ces:

Not replacing the stinky carpet is a total cop-out. Things smelled fine in there for a solid year after the theater opened. If those cheap assholes replaced the carpets, they’d add another smell-free year to the hallways.

I’ll tell you one thing. It’s going to take more than a couple of fucking ducts to make those hallways not smell like an inside-out ass.

While you’re at it, AMC, refurbish the Santa Monica 7. It’s so dank in there I constantly expect puppets from Fraggle Rock to jump out of my popcorn and teach me useless shit.

Truly the AMC Century City deserves its Beyond Therapy Dog Raping Shit Eater badge of failure.