Super Bowl Sunday is just around the bend, and we here at the ‘Splasm are chicago fans through and through (except the White Sox. Go Cubs.)
We’re going to do an HD showing this weekend, should be interesting. Check here for more after it actually happens.
also, to the people who are searching for things on google:
Alexis Bledel nipple slip.
We’ve been buried under a mountain of fan mail here at Plasmasplasm, and many letters include similar questions:
What tv do you guys have, what HD dvd player do you have, and is Cesare single/how can I, as a lady, get in on that?
Please allow me to answer your annoying questions in the order that you posed them.
Our tv is:
a Panasonic TH-50PX60U HD Plasma TV
it is 50 inches, which means that if you pulled a tape measure from the top of one side and took it to the bottom of the other side, that’s how many inches across it would be. This is also how I measure my penis, which I like to call “Wide-Screen”.
By all accounts (except Charlie T’s) this is a very good tv. If you want to learn more about it, and how it compares with other tv’s, feel free to use the google search engine. We often gaze at the tv, in loving adoration, so we do not care if there are other tv’s out there. We love our tv so much that we don’t even look at the asses of other tv’s when they walk past the dinner table.
Our HD DVD player is:
The Microsoft Xbox 360 Hd DVD player. Here is its website:
http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/x/xbox360hddvdplayer/
What a very easy to remember website address.
From what I’ve heard on the street, as I am often on the street to hear reviews of consumer electronics, this HD DVD player is very, very bad. Which I find both odd and strangely exciting. I’ll get to those feelings in a second, first: why did I buy a very bad HD player?
Most HD players are good and cost obscene amounts of money. This one is bad, does the job, and cost 200 bucks. When your roommate shows up with an expensive tv, the least you can do is buy a crappy player to watch things on it.
“But it’s crappy!” you cry?
I would never have known that it was crappy unless I had read some review comparing it to the other stuff out there. The picture is amazing, it makes non-HD DVDs look better, and it connects to my xbox with has a Star Trek background on it, making every movie just that much better.
Now, for the third question:
Cesare is, indeed, both single and straight. He’s on the market looking for a woman, and if you need to know more I’ve posted his match.com information in our links section on the right of the main page. He used to not be into smokers, but now he admits that even women with glaring, stinky faults like that often glow with internal qualities so bright that they outshine any odor or height issues he would otherwise avoid.
Thank you, and good night.
Ces’s upcoming HD list sounds very promising. However, I will only say this once.
Do not show me the 2005 Pride & Prejudice unless you are actually looking forward to me complaining ad nauseum about ‘gritty realism’ (it’s bullshit), how they ruined my favorite scene in the book and, in doing so, completely destroyed the very character of Darcy that Austen created, and what these two men have in common:
I’ll give you a hint: one of these men stays within their idiom and one does not.
If you really want to make me happy just put me in front of whatever TV and show me all five hours of this and I’ll be a happy girl:
A cup of tea would be nice, too!
I AM FROM THE FUTURE AND I LOVE MY GADGETS.
THEY ALLOW ME TO SEE.
YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY?
FUCK. YOU.
Go drink some oil, you fucking ROBOT.
Folks.
Universal has just announced that a bunch of HD-DVD titles are on the way this year, and I thought I’d share some highlights. I will be updating the release dates as they become known.
If you are reading this, and it is the future (i.e. not 2007), and you’re having a good laugh about HD-DVD because you watch movies on an “image cube” or some bullshit, then I have a message for you. Nobody thinks you’re cool. With your ridiculous future clothes and gadgets. Fuck you.
Anyway, here’s some titles (from hometheaterforum.com & digitalbits.com):
Children of Men (4/3), Smokin’ Aces (4/17), 40-Year-Old Virgin, Battlestar Galactica S1, The Bourne Identity, Inside Man, Pride & Prejudice (for you, Brooke), The Big Lebowski, Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Brazil, Erin Brockovich, Shaun of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Slap Shot, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (4/24).
Apparently they’re planning something really unique for the Children of Men disc which gets my geese in bumps.
The bad news is, most of these will be HD-DVD/DVD combo discs which are more expensive, making Blu-ray look a little less like Beta right now.
I leave you with some eye-watering DVD cover art.
Was bad.
We watched Mel Brooks’ western comedy “Blazing Saddles” in high definition last night. It was not a good time.
“Blazing Saddles” has a couple good jokes in it, but for the most part is boring, not funny and bland to look at. A lot of the jokes just didn’t work at all, I would say that the four people who watched it laughed out loud a total of seven times.
I’m not sure if there’s an actual cult fan base behind this flick, or if the marketers are just keeping that alive by releasing new versions of it every other year. I can’t imagine someone would be able to argue that the pacing problems are negligible, even if they did find the jokes funny. (So many jokes, on the other hand, were designed to be funny for an audience in the 70’s, and a lot of the references just don’t fly anymore. Mel isn’t Shakespeare, nobody’s going to look stuff up to get the laugh.)
Gene Wilder, on the other hand, does a really great job in “Blazing Saddles”.
He’s creepy, subtle, funny and has a presence that you can’t tear yourself away from. He sticks out from the rest of the cast, who’re hitting each other on the tops of their heads when they aren’t blathering in direct address to the audience.
As for the image: most of the time the picture quality is fantastic, and it probably looks better than it did when shown in theaters (especially considering it was shown at an outdoor drive in on horseback-true story. . .Lame but true). The boost in image quality actually hurts the film in some cases when the filmmakers were cutting corners for the budget:
-the opening credits are now obviously run over a dirty still image that kicks into actual running film when the camera moves.
-Characters who are “sinking in quicksand” are obviously just crouching off camera.
-every hair and dirt on the lens is visible now.
-it looks less like a western and more like a comedy.
I know this is against the common belief in this being a sacrosanct comedy icon, but I give “Blazing Saddles” a dismal 4/10 splasms, and while the transfer is a good one, it doesn’t always work for the movie’s benefit, so I’ll be giving the image quality a 7/10 plasmas.
Click to view this photo…it is great!
Hello loyal readers. Sleepy Hollow was watched today on the glorious 50-incher, and it was quite an experience. It started very well with an impressive Paramount HD logo and whoosh sound, which we liked. I then observed that the cinematographer was someone we like from Children Of Men, which was great! As the movie progressed, I took some time to closely examine the insides of my eyelids. I thought it was cool how you can see spots in them sometimes, and I thought about how great our Manpuku dinner was. Then the movie was over and a horse rode into a tree.
Splasms: 2/10 (Good for naps though)
Plasmas: 7/10
Look forward to a review of Harry in HD from our rookie reporter Olivia, Brooke’s little sister! Here’s a picture:
Welcome to the splasm, Olivia!
Here’s a clip.